07 September 2004 | 7:46 p.m.
Go Ask Alice
Legendary Pink Dots
We left the bar to have him walk me to my car. I didn't ask him to...it just happened. We were on the sidewalk and he held my hand. Then he asked if it was ok to hold my hand in an endearing boyish shy manner. We were getting closer to my car and I didn't want our walk to end. I somehow started walking in front of him and stopped to turn around and wrap my arms around him. We smelled and held each other for what seemed like an eternity and a moment that should have never ended. Then he started to kiss my neck. I felt it down to my toes. Unbelievable. He woke up something in me that no man has been able to do for years. I can still feel it. I don't ever want to forget.
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My sister (the one in Cali) called early yesterday. Her father-in-law, Bill, just passed away. He had triple bypass surgery last week and never recovered from it. He was a good guy. He�s being buried on Friday next to two of his children that passed away in the 70's. Celia died of leukemia and a month later Dean died 5 days after he was born. In January, Bill signed the title of his house in Fallbrook over to my sister and her husband. He tried to sell it but backed out at the last minute to keep the house in the family. It's on 5 acres in an orange grove next to avocado groves. It's amazing.
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My sister and I kept on talking. Our conversation eventually lead us to talk about our family and our pasts. She is almost 6 years older than me and remembers more than any of us. She told me graphic details about my oldest sister, my brother and my dad. It scares the shit out of me that a man can be that evil and never spend a day in prison.
My brother is not a normal person. I rarely ever talk about him to anyone because it's hard for me to explain. People react differently to situations. He just went farther inside himself and dove into books. He reads like a maniac and that is his world. He is the most intelligent person I've ever met and yet he cannot put any of his smarts to use. A lot of people can put the blame on his epilepsy but it's not that. It's still his brain but it's what my dad took from him. My dad is the biggest fucker on the planet. I'm not sure if I'm better off for knowing the details that my sister told me today. I've never wanted to physically harm anyone but buying a shotgun sounds good to me right now.
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I went looking for my Halloween costume again today. Yes, I know it's early, but I know what I want. I had the same problem I had last week. My chest is too big. Ugh. Fuck. I don't want to have to make this costume to accommodate my shelf. I bought a size 8 dress and size 8 pants last week. I'm not a big girl. I'm chesty chest-a-lot and it frustrates the hell out of me.