2003-11-24 | 2:41 p.m.
And I don't wanna live this life
I am once again feeling sorry for myself. This has got to stop some day. I am happy for my friends that are now dating each other. I'm glad I could help them with the hook-up. I need to find out what happened to my karma that nothing is going right for me lately or if it does go right it takes an excessive amount of effort on my part to get my shit together. Ugh.
I have class tonight and I'm considering not going. I'm just not interested. I'm apathetic about everything. I just don't give a fuck. Screw this life...
Maybe I'll feel better later on today just not right now.
I just thought about "that guy" and he just signed in. Right on time. He isn't too hard to figure out. I wish this would all stop. I hate him for not being fair to me. Asshole.
I should put all that shit in my diary that happened last week. I know I'm not crazy; everyone else knows he likes me. I just happened to fall for the tough guy that is chicken-shit on the inside. I know life isn't fair all the time but I've been incredibly patient and I've been giving too much of myself lately to my friends. So I don't have a ton left to make myself feel better. I'm having a hard time picking myself up from this one.
I got an email today from Ku the married guy that I asked out last week. It was a let down to find out that he's married and all but I just can't continue emailing him. It's killing me. I always want what I can't have. ALWAYS...
I wish I could blame this mood of mine on my period or something but I don't think that's it. I think it's the holidays. Fuck the holidays and the cold. Fuck this life...