2002-09-03 | 11:55 p.m.
pity/angry party
Wow this is late for me. It's been 19 days since i wrote anything down and i have so much to say i just don't know where to start.
my anxiety attack got much better after my sister's wedding. the wedding went fine - i cried the entire time - i was a wreck. the bridal shower was good too. i was stressing hardcore about the punch and couldn't figure out what to make it turned out fantastic here it is:
2 oranges (slices to float on top)
2 lemons (slices)
2 limes (slices)
1 liter of sprite
half gallon of lemonade
half gallon of welch's wild raspberry
1 orange juice ring
my car broke down on the day of the shower - it was an extra stress that i did not need. the battery cable was bad but i got it fixed for free the next day at the dealership.
This whole wedding stuff hasn't completely ended yet. the newleyweds are staying with me until they leave for maui on tuesday. i really need some extended amount of time alone. i really hope i can make it till then. i know i should see the doctor about this need to be alone all the time b/c i know it probably isn't normal - but do i really want to be on more drugs? do i really want to start seeing a therapist again? therapy has never really helped me much. i know what my problems and issues are, i'm just not motivated to change or to fix them. prozac is killing my motivation and drive to live my life better. i have to blame prozac b/c it couldn't possibly be me (sarcasm of course). i'm lonely, afraid, have a million bills stacking up and i need a change in my life. i heard that a lot of marriages end b/c of money issues - can i get a divorce from myself b/c the money thing is getting too intense? like some divorced people, instead of dealing with a problem and fixing it divorce is the easiest way for me.
well there's a load of crap i just laid out. when i write in this diary i just don't how much of this stuff i write b/c i want to "seem" like a real person trying to deal with life and that i'm different than the annoying girl that lives upstairs. God forbid - no one else has issues or problems like me right? i like to think i'm unique.
i am an angry person tonight. the ticking foot will definitely be an issue tonight.