05 April 2004 | 2:34 a.m.
You, the Night and the Music
Listening to: Tones on Tail

I had an epiphany this morning when I was driving home from the previous evening's jolly holiday. It felt so good to finally figure something out in my life that I had a cigarette. I really enjoyed that cigarette and almost cried when it was all gone. I hadn't had one in almost a year.

I met a guy from L.A. last night. He was cute, but not too much. He is an artist (a painter). I almost threw up when he said that but we had already started kissing. It was great timing that he came around when he did last night. I do know that I stopped him because he was wearing his hat crooked. I needed to tell him I thought it looked stupid. I was ready to take him home with me last night. We split up to go use the restrooms and I never saw him again. It was strange. I forgot about him for a few minutes and then he was gone. I wish I could remember his name but I have no idea what it is.

The point is, I was ready to take him home. I was ready for a one night stand. I haven't had a one nighter since September and I was worried that I might not be able to have them anymore. I thought I might have turned sex into more than just an instinct that needs to be met every once in a while. He was safe. There would be no chance of me having to see him again. A relationship with him was impossible. Therefore, he is perfect one night stand material. I just need to find more out of town visitors! A cigarette was needed after getting part of my puzzle solved. Why the hell did it take me so long to figure that out?

I figured out if a guy I'm dating is someone I should continue to be with or not. I have to ask myself if I see him as ever being wine-worthy. I have a great bottle of wine that Grandpa (he made it) gave to me. I don't want to share it with just anyone. If I know for sure that he will not be trying it, I just let him go. I don't have the typical pro and cons list. Those are rude; if you have to make a list then you probably shouldn't be dating.

Now about my evening jaunt around town:

Luckily I didn't flip my lid. I met a bunch of friends at the Irish Snug for a few beers tonight. Then, the ass whacker that I hooked up with one night six months ago showed up. Ass whacker is too mean; putz is a little more appropriate. Every time he opens his mouth his comments are demeaning and rude. He is not a nice person. The other thing is that he kisses and tells. That's disrespectful.

Anyway, he stares at me still. If you aren't going to treat me with any respect or decency then you don't get to stare at me either. Argh. I said goodbye to my friends and just walked by him like he wasn't there. Should I have taken the high road and said something to him? No, not tonight, I wasn't in the mood to deal. I was in a good mood and he would have been a cock sucker to me.

I hate that I give him this much energy and time. He's not wine-worthy.

I'm pathetic. I just got home from picking a friend up at the airport. She flew in from Ireland today. She's a vegetarian so we *had* to talk about food. What did she eat? A lot of bread and cheese. I said that grilled cheese sandwiches are great so it's not that big of a deal. No one understood the grilled cheese sandwich concept in Ireland. The bread was normally toasted with a slice of cheese in the middle but was never grilled and melted. I just don't know what I would do without grilled cheese sandwiches in my life. Yes, they are a staple. I guess I could *live* without them if I'd never had one before.

I was driving home at 1 am and was starving thanks to our food discussion. That's when my once every six month hankerin' for an Arby's jamocha shake hit me. I drove by four Arby's (including the corporate headquarters) and none of them had their drive-thru open. I was bummed but did get some good drive time on the highway. Where did I end up? The 24-hour grocery store, of course! I walked out of there with a pint of Ben and Jerry's Half - Baked ice cream, a dark chocolate bar and milk. There's another reason why Americans are generally fatter than the rest of the world. We can buy whatever we want any time of the day. When we can't, we whine about it until the stores change their hours to suit our needs. I acted like I was going to die if I didn't get my sugar fix. Feh.

Now what am I gonna do about it? I'm gonna eat and then get my ass to the gym tomorrow. Maybe.

Did I mention my gym is open 24 hours a day too?

I wasn't going to post and then decided I should. I recently added my regular reads to an aggregator. Now that I'm reading your entries easier I thought it might be best if I do the same. Therefore, I opened an account at blogspot to see if I like it or not. For the time being, I will probably keep up both since it isn't too hard to cut and paste.

I sent an email to the Diaryland Guru (Andrew) to see if he ever intends to make RSS feeds available for Diaryland users and readers.

Here is my blogspot feed if you want to make your life a wee bit easier.

On our second date, he wore black Chuck Taylor Converse. Yummy. I love converse. It just screams that a guy has an old skateboard stashed under his bed. We went to dinner and then to a movie. We talked for about 2 hours after the date and then I went home.

During the date, he showed interest in seeing the new X-Men movie the following week. The problem with him wanting to see that movie with me was that I already had plans to see it on Saturday night with a large group of people. What did I do? I was rude and ignored his hints to try to make plans to see the movie. Here's why I did this: I was having a Seinfeldian moment or to be more precise a George Costanza moment. I wasn't quite sure if I wanted my worlds to collide or if I wanted to keep them separate. I needed to think this through.

I talked to a close friend, GiB, and told her my situation about Jay. At this point I was sure that I was going to use the 2 - 0 rule with him. He's not gettin' any action from me. I don't foresee the infamous spark ever happening between us. We do have a lot in common though. GiB suggested, at that point, what I needed to do was to come clean with him. I called him and told him that I didn't know if there was ever going to be an "us" but I knew for sure that we have to maintain a friendship. He was actually relieved that I said something. He was wondering what was going on in my head and was not too surprised at what I said but he did mention that if I ever change my mind that he's still interested. Between you and me though, I just think he wants to get laid. With the conversation over with, I did invite him to the new X-Men movie with my friends and he was excited to come with us.

I still haven't figured what to do about Jay. Do I invite him out with me and my friends to the bars? I would have a hard time meeting guys with him there but I still feel this obligation to introduce him to people.

Tune in next week for another edition of "A Chapter in the Life of a Single Girl" as told by me, Special K, on KRFC.

We were sipping our vodkas and enjoying the conversation until all the lights went out.

We crashed a fucking surprise party. Running out the door wasn�t an option at that point. I knew five people at the party did not know the party girl so that left fifteen people that might know her.

There she was standing in the doorway surveying the crowd and looking at us with a �Who the hell are you and why are you here?� facial expression.

To her bemused look, all I could do was raise my glass and wink at the liquor.

We left soon after when another party crasher exclaimed, �Wow. They really throw a lame party!�

I would have stayed longer if they had an entertaining �stumbling drunk�. They are important to keep the attendees entertained during conversational lulls. Yes, I know, I have been the �stumbling drunk� before but I was a good girl last night.

The party wasn�t that bad, there were just too many people trying to be sophisticated and adult-like. Yes, quite a few people were pretentious fucks. I�ve said before, the pretentious fucks know where they can stick it�

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What is this Friendster thing? Why do I need to get a bunch of people listed near my name?

I signed up for it last fall and forgot about it. At the time, the concept was intriguing but now it seems a little silly.

I�m bringing this up because I received an email from a random Friendster person that wants to be my friend. She wants to meet new people and she liked my profile. I have to pursue this because curiosity is going to kill me otherwise.

I have a few kickball events coming up that I can invite her to.

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Final note:
Does anyone know anything about the band Four Tet? "No More Mosquitoes" is quite the catchy tune but I need to know if it's worth it to buy an album.

This past week was somewhat weird because it just so happens that I went on a blind date. I've been on blind dates before but it's a little different when you�re not in your early twenties anymore. I already know the person I'm about to meet actually wants to be in a relationship. So, I went on lunch date with a guy named Jay.

My impression so far is good. When I met him it was raining so he was wearing his burgundy 8 or 10 hole Doc Martens and a motorcycle leather. I thought to myself, "Yippee a boy with an edge!" He likes old school punk rock and rockabilly. He moved to Denver a year ago and knows absolutely nothing about the place. He doesn't even know where Capitol Hill is. I feel bad for him; I can't live somewhere and not know where anything is. It would drive me nuts! After eating, we walked down Broadway and I showed him The Skylark Lounge, American Vogue and all those fun retro places in the area. I'm not used to being around someone that wants to know my knowledge of Denver. He was just excited to find places where he can hang out. He is very nice, polite and seems genuine but for some reason he does seem a little naive. Which isn't all that bad.

I'm not sure yet if I like him as a friend or more than a friend. We are planning on going out Saturday night so hopefully I can learn more then. I did sit there today and wonder if he's a good kisser or not so at least he's got my curiosity.

This whole dating thing is starting to become a bit of a task for me. I meet these guys and sum them up instantly for appearance and attraction purposes. Then during the date, I analyze everything with a microscope. It feels weird and foreign to me. I've never been much of a dater. All of the long-term relationships I've ever had were with guys that I knew at least three months before anything started to happen. By the time I was dating those guys I already knew what to expect from them. A microscope wasn�t needed at that point - I already knew them.

I haven't decided yet if I'm going to use the 3 - 8 rule* or not. The rule is that you have to go on at least three dates with any one that you're interested in before coming to a reasonable conclusion about the person. If you do like him or her, you can't have sex until at least after your eighth date. I just don't know about that rule. I think I might need to revise it to be the 2 - 6 rule. There will always be the guys that are the 1 � 0 rule that you don't even bother to tell your friends about because you figured out five minutes into the date that you just didn't want to be there.

I hope my second date goes well with Jay. After the second date, I will figure out if I need to use the 3 - 8 rule or the 2 - 6 rule with him. Tune in next week for another edition of "A Chapter in the Life of a Single Girl" as told by me, Special K, on KRFC.

Note: When I explained the 3 - 8 rule several people in the studio jumped on the microphones and interjected their opinions. The opinion that I remember most is from Laura who said, "What about the 0 - 0 guys? You know, the one night stands? I�m thinking 2 - 2 is more appropriate." My conclusion from everyone's remarks is that everyone has to define their own rule and it does depend on what stage of life you are in. Laura is fresh out of college and still partying as if she's still in college so the free love thing is still happening for her and her friends.

*I don't use this system because it bites. I told a friend that I would see if I could use it or not.

I need a few Super Heroes. They need to save me from the doldrums of daily life.

I need Laundry Man to fly on over to my house and straighten out the dirty clothes situation. I'm getting lost in mountains of clothes. Laundry Man needs to get here and save the day.

Porcelain God needs to get his head out of the clouds and swoop down to my place. Leaning over a toilet to do anything but upchuck has to be one of the most denigrating chores of all time.

What Super Heroes do you need?

We thought Friday night was going to be our best bet because no �special guests� were scheduled; it was cheaper and not as busy. We were wrong. They came out in throngs. They drove hundreds of miles (across states) to Denver for this thing. They bought tickets to go everyday and night. It was the party of the year. This was better than Halloween; the StarFest fans plan months in advance for the convention.

We got in the line that wrapped around the hotel. Then we looked at ourselves and everyone else. We didn�t fit. I always fit in but this time I was odd man out. I was wearing jeans, a sweater, and my black Docs. Dave was in jeans and a t-shirt. We were normal.

Behind us in line was a tall dark haired Xena Warrior Princess. Xena�s costume was dead-on perfect and must have cost a small bundle of money. She preferred us to call her Xena instead of Diane (her real name). I didn�t know these conventions allowed the fantasy enthusiasts as well as the sci-fi fans. Xena gets along quite well with Klingons - I must have missed that episode. We met more characters but just stood in awe at the sight of all of them. They had their own magic going for them. No one was high, drunk or on any sort of illicit substance that I could tell. They were naturally cranked for the event.

Before entering, we stopped in the somewhat empty hotel bar and had a drink or two. Dave and I just didn�t expect any of this. We were no longer on Earth. We were on the Enterprise. We sat there and someone was listening to our conversation and felt compelled to join in by correcting us. Apparently, there is a difference between a Trekkie and a Trekker: one is a fan of the original Star Trek series and the other is a fan of The Next Generation. Nice, they have their own language too.

After walking around a bit, we ended up in the vendor area. It was a huge ballroom filled with tables of memorabilia. I just about peed my pants when I saw someone selling the entire collection of �Planet of the Apes� dolls. They were over twenty years old and still in the box! Of course, they weren�t cheap either. We continued our browsing.

Then I smelled it. The worst funk of my entire life. I couldn�t breath and thought for sure I was being gassed. I looked at Dave and he seemed to be doing fine. Then I figured it out, a few feet away from me stood a hunched brown haired man. He was wearing an old Levi�s jean jacket with ribbons and buttons all over it. I couldn�t get too close to him but soon concluded the ribbon mystery.

When you intend to go all three days of the convention, you are issued a ribbon at the beginning to wear. The color of your ribbon depends on how much access you get to the �special guests�. This man must have been wearing fifteen ribbons. I read a few of them and he goes to quite a few of these conventions in the western U.S.

The stench that surrounded this man was unbearable. He had a ten-foot radius of stink around him. I couldn�t guess as to the last time he bathed because I was too busy being in awe and frightened of him at the same time. I found a chair at a safe distance and watched the man.

He certainly had a strange aura (other than the smell) about him. I didn�t see him make eye contact with anyone. He talked to a few vendors but never directly to them. He tended to lift up one of his arms to his face and grumble. It could have been that he was missing teeth and a little embarrassed. I�m not quite sure. He didn�t want the attention but the odor he brought with him demanded it.

On the way out we heard a few people talking about the Klingon wedding* that was going to take place the next day. Huh. I think people may have been speaking Klingon here and there too. At this point, it was all a little too overwhelming. Klingonese (or whatever they call it) broke the camels back for us. It was time to get the hell off of the Enterprise. It was getting too cultish. The evening had caught up with us.

We walked back to the car and really couldn�t talk about the experience. It was a lot to digest all at once. We went home and crawled into bed.

I envy the camaraderie among the StarFest participants. I felt lucky that I was able to peek into the sci-fi subculture but a little guilty about my reason for being there in the first place. I was there to watch. They were the entertainment and it was worth the 5 bucks just to look at the costumes.

* I went to StarFest '97 so these are pictures from someone else�s wedding at StarFest '98

Growing up Catholic has it ups and downs. It�s strange when I have an up. I�m not used to the ups.

I talked to Mom throughout the week when she was in Ca�on City helping to get everything together for Grandma�s funeral. On Wednesday, she told me that they could only find Grandma�s glow-in-the-dark rosary. My mother knew I would appreciate that Grandma was being buried with a glow-in-the-dark rosary because I have a rather large glow-in-the-dark collection. In a way, I thought a little piece of me was going to be buried with Grandma. I insisted to my mother that I knew Grandma had a much nicer rosary. Mom suspects that it somehow got lost at the nursing home Grandma lived in.

My mother called again on Thursday to let me know that she did find my Grandma�s rosary but she didn�t elaborate on it. I was bummed the little �weird� piece of me wasn�t going to be buried with her but was happy that something more acceptable and less tacky was.

On Friday morning it was my turn to go in and have �alone time� with Grandma one last time. I walked in and was amazed at how beautiful she looked. The morticians did a wonderful job. They must have taken at least twenty years off of her. She was very peaceful. She was wearing a purple dress, had pearls around her neck, and a purple iris flowered hanky and rosary in her hands. Then I looked at the rosary and lost it. I coveted that rosary when I was young and wished that someday it would be mine. It was made with purple Austrian crystal and metal links. It broke about 15 years ago and she gave it to me over ten years ago to fix. It was missing a few beads that needed to be replaced. It was hard to find Austrian crystal beads that matched. In fact, I didn�t find what I was looking for so I settled on as close as I could find. I fixed it and gave it back to her. Nothing was ever said about it. I didn't see it again until yesterday. More than a piece of me went with her; my work went with her. I have never felt that kind of sad joy before.

I hope to feel that sad joy again.

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